


Will It Go Round in Circles

by taishige



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, TOKIO
Genre: Cheating, Christmas, Complicated Relationships, Gingerbread Lattes, Gussan kinda being an ass but it works out somehow, M/M, Nagase is a five-year-old child, Starbucks, awkward moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 18:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taishige/pseuds/taishige
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alcohol and repressed feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will It Go Round in Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://micehell.livejournal.com/profile)[**micehell**](http://micehell.livejournal.com/) as part of the 2010 [](http://je-holiday.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://je-holiday.livejournal.com/)**je_holiday** <3

The last thing Tatsuya'd expected was a sopping wet, downtrodden Nagase to appear on his doorstep. Truth be told, there were a lot of other things that would probably have left him equally as surprised, but when the moment happened, it felt like his brain had to re-register itself, which literally left him without words and simply a dumb-as-fuck expression on his face.

His head told him he had a dinner with Shige that night.

His body told Nagase to come inside.

Nagase didn't say much. He sat on the couch at first. Tatsuya took his coat, shook it out a little bit, then hung it over the top of his own on the coat hook. Nagase looked freezing, and rightfully so as it was December now, wasn't it? So he grabbed a blanket from his bed in the other room and draped it around the other's shoulders.

He sat next to him on the couch.

The only thing Nagase said was "Taichi".

Which was all Tatsuya needed.

"I'll get you some soup, kay?"

The soup wasn't anything special, just plain miso, but it seemed to warm Nagase up a bit as he sat huddled down on the couch. His hair was hanging down in wet soppy curls around his face, but at least they weren't dripping water anymore. His hands had stopped shaking too, which certainly helped keep the soup either in the bowl or in his mouth as opposed to the floor.

Tatsuya knew the kid had liked him. Taichi, that is. Was clear as day, and had been for at least a couple of years now. Since before he'd grown out of that awkward, lanky stage. He was pretty sure everyone else knew it as well. Besides Taichi.

Apparently not anymore though.

Tatsuya brought a hand up to the other's back and gave it a few soft pats before taking his shoulder in a reassuring grip.

He wanted to ask what Taichi had said. Or what Nagase had said.

But that was the last thing he was gonna ask right now.

Instead - "Is there anything I can do?"

Nagase remained silent, staring down into his now empty bowl of soup.

Finally - "No."

He didn't say anything else the rest of the night aside from a few affirmative murmurs, usually coinciding with head nods. Everything else came in the form of blank, apathetic stares. Tatsuya took him back into his room to try and find some warm clothes for him, but found the task proved a bit difficult. Not that he hadn't been expecting it given the seven inches Nagase had on him. He eventually found one of the overly-large, zip-up hoodies he'd gotten for a promotion a while back, which surprisingly ended up fitting decently. Pants-wise it was a complete no-go, however, so Nagase ended up just stripping to his boxers.

Tatsuya glanced up at him as if he wanted to say something else. Nagase returned the look with an expression of pure hopelessness.

Tatsuya told him to get in the bed, which the taller man did without a word.

"It'll be fine, ok?"

The words got stuck in his throat before he'd even finished the sentence, somewhere between the "fine" and the "ok", which resulted in a strangely warbled "finck".

Once they were both in the bed, he reached across to lug Nagase's large frame against him. Nagase came with surprising ease, actually curling slightly towards him in a pathetic side that Tatsuya'd never seen in him before. He let his hand trace tiny circles across the other's back, Nagase's breaths getting slower and slower. It wasn't until he was sure the other man was asleep that Tatsuya let himself begin to drift off as well. The last thought in his head, though, was what the hell he was going to say to Joshima tomorrow.

\---------

He ended up fabricating a story about the power in his place going out and his phone being dead and not being able to charge it. Coupled with the fact that it had turned out to be a nasty, stormy night, it seemed legitimate enough.

Joshima hadn't said much in response. Just given him a dejected little look as his shoulders slumped, though trying not to make it obvious. "I waited for over an hour..."

"Sorry, I'll make it up for you next time. Promise."

"Kay."

And he'd had every intention to, really. He called him up the next night, Joshima's voice coming through his phone excited and happy as he told him they should hit up the new Korean place on the other side of the Harajuku station. Friday night at 8, right? It would be fun.

But what he hadn't expected was to work with Nagase that same Friday morning, the younger man looking thoroughly dejected, almost to the point of depression, as they worked together for a shoot about finding as many different ramen shops as they could throughout Eastern Japan. He knew the other man hadn't been sleeping well - it was more than obvious by the deep bags under his eyes, and it was like pulling teeth just to get an inkling of a smile out of him.

It hurt Tatsuya to watch.

He had to do something.

When they finally finished up, he took Nagase to the side, arm around his mid-section and pulling him in close.

"You wanna talk or anything?"

Nagase looked lost for a moment, like he wanted to say something, but in the end just couldn't get it out. He shook his head no, readjusting the brim of his cap.

"Let me buy you a drink, ok?"

It was silent for a moment, but finally - "...ok."

"Good. Go get changed, and I'll meet you out by my car."

\------------

They'd eaten so much ramen that day, Tatsuya couldn't imagine eating anything for another ten years, yet somehow when they made it to the little oden shop, complete with a cast-iron stove in the corner to warm them up, his stomach began growling in spite of itself. They ordered a generous portion of the listed items, Tatsuya assuring Nagase that he'd pay for everything and he should just choose what he liked, he was gonna cheer him up, right? The two large beers that topped it off finished everything quite nicely, and finally, just a bit of the earlier glow returned to Nagase's eyes.

Tatsuya talked about stupid stuff about some of the staff members or even his own personal friends just to get the other's mind off anything that could have been connected to Taichi. When Nagase began retorting back with stories of his own, the smile coming easier and the laughter not forced any longer, Tatsuya felt the worry that had been building up in his chest over the week start to dissipate.

When they'd finished everything, complete with another beer each, and were waiting up by the lone cashier to pay for their meal, Nagase found himself looking sheepishly towards his feet, scuffing the ground and shoving his hands into his pockets.

Tatsuya glanced over, in the middle of handing the clerk four thousand-yen bills.

Apparently the look was enough, because it got Nagase talking.

"Thanks."

"Mmn, no. It's no problem." Tatsuya shot him a grin, eyes flashing towards the clerk again as he received his change.

Nagase shook his head. "It's just..." He chewed on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowing together. "Taichi usually takes me out on Friday nights. It was kind of a... tradition... I guess..."

Tatsuya felt his heart clench, the pain written in Nagase's face already obvious even before he'd finished his statement. He didn't know how to respond, not sure if finally breaching the previously unmentionable topic would help or hinder Nagase's depression.

"...sorry."

"No, it's... this was good, yeah. Good."

Tatsuya let a tiny smile return to his face. "I'm glad."

And Nagase returned it.

On the way back to the car, Tatsuya checked his phone. He'd had it on silent.

 

Two missed calls from:  
Shige

 

His eyes narrowed, but he shoved the phone back into his pocket.

And then he drove Nagase home with him.

Nagase didn't say anything himself. He stared out the window as they took the highway back, cars and lights passing them by, and once they made it there, he silently followed the older man inside, watching as he took off his shoes and coat and mimicking the actions with his own.

They ended up watching TV for a bit. Tatsuya found some stupid variety show that made both of them laugh, and Nagase started fully relaxing for once, leaning back into the cushions of the couch with his legs spread haphazardly and a grin stretched across his face. Tatsuya kept glancing towards him every couple of minutes, a similar smile spread across his own.

When 11:00 came rolling around and Tatsuya's eyelids were beginning to droop even while he tried to stay awake, he reached across to give Nagase's knee a reassuring shake, then pushed himself up off the couch. It had been a long day for both of them, so the early exhaustion was certainly understandable. And once again, Nagase didn't say a word, simply following along as Tatsuya turned off the TV and the lights in the kitchen, and then the two found themselves back in the bed, and Tatsuya's arm was across Nagase's waist and holding him in close, the taller man a bit more splayed out this time and claiming the bed for his own.

Nagase slept truly well for the first time that week.

Tatsuya's phone had three missed calls and two voice mails.

\--------------

Tatsuya didn't even have an excuse this time. He was fumbling for words, messing with his hands and kind of half-looking off to the side as Joshima stood in front of him. It got to the point where Joshima simply got fed up, stuck out his lip in an angry pout, and went stomping off towards the dressing room.

Needless to say, they didn't talk much the rest of the day.

Tatsuya and Nagase, however, talked quite a bit. Nagase kept wandering over towards his amp whenever they'd have a break in rehearsal. Sometimes he wouldn't say much, and other times he'd start talking his ear off. Tatsuya couldn't decide if it was just because he needed someone to talk to, wanted to talk specifically to him, or because he was trying exceedingly hard to avoid any and all verbal or visual communication with Taichi. Considering some of the stupid shit that came up in their conversations, he was leaning towards the first one, but then he found that he, himself, was unconsciously avoiding eye-contact with Taichi as well, and every time he did look up at him, the smaller man would be staring over at them with a half-confused, half-frustrated look on his face. His own slowly-developing resentment for what Taichi had done wasn't helping matters any.

The entire situation made for quite the awkward atmosphere, the only one not involved in any way being Matsuoka, who was grinning and joking around like he didn't have a care in the world.

Joshima refused to look at anyone from his position by his own amp.

Tatsuya wasn't quite sure why his heart felt like it was slowly being pulled from two directions.

Three weeks and three more blown-off dates with Shige later left Nagase looking even more back to his usual self, all energy and laughter and jokes and warmth. He'd sit across from Tatsuya when they went out for yakitori at the nearby izakaya for lunch, the two of them engaged in some high-octane conversation about laundry detergents and how they'd been rising in price lately. He'd plop down next to Tatsuya on the couch when the two of them were in the dressing room, either to tell him about some hilariously stupid thing Matsuoka had done some thirty minutes earlier or to complain that he hadn't gotten much sleep last night and nonchalantly rest his head on the other's shoulder for a short cat-nap.

And still other times, he'd walk along beside Tatsuya as the smaller man accompanied him back to his apartment. Nagase's was considerably closer, so it only made sense. And pretty soon Nagase's bed had seen more of the two of them than Tatsuya's.

Tatsuya himself didn't even realize exactly what was going on until Joshima approached him in the parking lot, graced him with a slap that practically sent him to his rear, and proclaimed that if "he'd wanted someone new to fuck, he could have just told him and saved him the trouble" before storming off with tears threatening to fall from his eyes. Tatsuya'd just stood there a while, rubbing his cheek with an expression of pure bafflement.

He didn't want to...

...did he?

He was only trying to get Nagase out of his funk. He was trying to get the smile back on his face. He only saw Nagase as a...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, fuck.

\-------------

The next time he was over at Nagase's place proved to be more awkward than any of his last visits. It was funny, really, what merely a different mindset could do to a previously easygoing situation. Nagase acted the same as he always did - laughing, teasing him, tossing him beers out of the fridge after telling him to "go long", asking him whether they should order soba or pizza for dinner. Tatsuya, however, was suddenly having trouble concentrating.

He didn't like Nagase.

He'd only been trying to help him.

He was like his kid brother.

He was the baby.

It would be wrong anyway, to take advantage of this kind of situation.

He wasn't like that, was he?

And then Joshima's words drifted back in his head, and he would remember the nights of sex he'd given up just to be there for Nagase, and it would hammer home the obvious realization that he'd liked Nagase from the start.

And the guilt would come rushing in.

"Gussaaaaannnn..." Nagase leaned towards him on the couch, can of beer in his hand.

"Whaaaaaat?" Tatsuya leaned back into the cushion behind him, nursing his own beer.

"...I don't wanna go in to work tomorrow."

Tatsuya just laughed. "Who does?"

"But I really, really don't wanna go tomorrow... I have a commercial shoot tomorrow." He ran a hand back through his curls.

"I thought those weren't too bad."

"...most of the time, yeah... I don't know."

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow.

Nagase leaned back into the cushions and stared up at the ceiling. He was silent for a bit. And finally - "...alright, alright."

Tatsuya raised his eyebrow further.

"Taichi has a recording shoot too, which means he'll be in the same building."

Silence.

Tatsuya chewed on the inside of his cheek, bringing his beer up to take another sip as he stared at the wall ahead of him.

"Have you tried talking to him again? Since then?"

Nagase shifted against the cushions. "Not really." His voice came out soft at first. "I mean... we've talked... since then... but not about anything like..."

Tatsuya's eyes turned towards him.

"It's ok. I get it."

Nagase nodded with a pathetic jerk.

More silence.

And then Tatsuya again - "Do you still...?"

Nagase turned his head to look at him, his eyes unsure, questioning, almost nervous. They held the gaze for a second until Nagase pulled away to look at the top of his beer. "I don't know. I don't know what I feel anymore."

There was something about that look. There was something about the inflection in his voice. There was something about the way he was fiddling with the pop tab on the top of his beer.

Tatsuya's mouth felt dry.

He shifted until he was up on his knees, Nagase noticing once he was halfway there and his eyes opening just a bit wider as the smaller man moved towards him.

"Hey."

Nagase didn't say anything. Tatsuya's hand went beneath his chin.

Neither one moved.

After what seemed like a century, Tatsuya closed the gap between them and brought their mouths together. It started slow, uncertain, hesitant, but then Tatsuya pushed forward and Nagase fell back on the couch, his beer forgotten and slipping out of his hand onto the floor, the remainder of it leaking out onto the carpet in repetitive gulps.

And Tatsuya moved harder, and Nagase's mouth opened wider. The other beer somehow found itself shoved between the back and bottom cushions of the couch, to be forgotten until the next morning.

"Gussan..." Nagase was up on his elbows now, Tatsuya's tongue half-way down his throat.

"Mm?"

Now his eyes opened just a crack, looking up at him with that same questioning gaze. "Do you think we should..." He bit down on Tatsuya's lower lip, sucking it back. "...here?"

All Tatsuya could do was shake his head, and then he was tugging on the front of Nagase's shirt, pulling him up, finding his wrist and almost tripping as he lead him to the bed that was already quite used to housing them during the night.

They didn't even bother with clothes. Tatsuya barely had the other's pants down halfway when Nagase got the clasp of his pants undone and was pulling him down on top of him, fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. Tatsuya had no choice but to utilize the opening of his boxers, hands fumbling as he attempted to keep his balance until he could get them planted to Nagase's either side to hold himself aloft.

Nagase's breath caught in his throat when Tatsuya pushed in, his fingers tightening further in the other's shirt and his legs instinctively splaying to the sides. Tatsuya himself had his eyes clenched shut with a single drop of sweat running down the back of his neck as he started up a rhythm, Nagase's hips moving along with him.

The entire thing took a surprisingly short amount of time. In fact, almost as soon as Tatsuya moved one of his hands to grab Nagase between the legs, the younger man felt himself start to lose it, and once he went it wasn't much longer for Tatsuya, burying his face into Nagase's shoulder as his muscles went tense and a jilted groan escaped his throat.

Nagase's fingers slowly relaxed, his legs dropping back down to the bedding, and Tatsuya's hands detached themselves from the sheets as his muscles went lax.

The silence from before returned, now juxtaposed against both of their heavy breathing.

At some point, the furnace kicked in, the familiar hum of it filling the apartment.

Nagase let his arms fall back to the mattress. It took a few minutes before he finally began to shift uncomfortably.

"...Gussan...?"

There was movement from the lump on top of him.

"Hm?"

A pause.

"...could you pull out now?"

"...oh. Right. Sorry."

They slept that night with Nagase spooning Tatsuya's back and his head nuzzled up against the back of his shoulders.

\--------------

"So, you're fucking Nagase?"

The abruptness of the question left him completely stunned for a moment, his eyes wide as he just stared back at the other man in silence.

"Am I wh-...?

All he got was an inquisitive stare in return.

"...maybe... I mean... ok, yeah, ok..." At this he actually turned away, eyes boring into the nearby wall.

Taichi's eyes opened wide this time. "Oh, so you are?"

Tatsuya turned back to him, his face now etched in confusion. "Eh?"

"Leader told me you were, but I figured he'd been exaggerating in his own emotional state." The smaller man was chuckling to himself now, leaning back in his chair. "I feel like I should have seen this coming somehow..."

Tatsuya stared at him. Then turned his head to the wall. Then back again. He opened his mouth. "How did..." Now his eyebrows furrowed together. "...wait... Shige told you?"

"Well, yeah." Taichi raised an eyebrow. "When you find him sobbing to himself in the back of the dressing room and ask what's the matter, you're bound to learn something, right?"

"He was..." Tatsuya pursed his lips together and went back to staring at the wall.

"...sobbing like a baby. Good job."

The sarcasm wasn't appreciated by the older party.

Tatsuya just sighed. "I didn't mean for this to happen..."

"You didn't mean to stick your dick in Nagase? Or wait, did he stick his in you?"

This was met with an annoyed glare until Taichi simply rolled his eyes and apologized under his breath. Tatsuya put his head down in his hands.

"This whole... thing..."

"This whole thing."

"You're the one who started this you know!" He sat back up, annoyed glare now turned accusatory.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." Taichi put his hands up. "Because I didn't wanna fuck Nagase, now it's my fault that you are and Leader's gone into depression?"

Tatsuya looked pained. "Well..."

"I do like the kid, ok? I like him a lot. I may have even entertained the idea of it once or twice, but in the end, I knew I just didn't feel the same way as he did. I had to tell him outright."

Tatsuya didn't have anything to say to this.

Taichi cocked his head to the side, finally abandoning his earlier sarcasm.

"But you... you really like him, don't you?"

It was silent for a moment, Tatsuya staring off ahead of himself. Then a little nod. "I think I do."

"You think?"

"I don't know! I still don't know what the hell's going on. I didn't know what was going on while it was happening!"

"...well, at least you seem serious enough about it..."

"Wait, are you lecturing me about him now? As the reason he ended up on my door in the first place?"

Taichi just rolled his eyes. "Look, what did you want me to do? Tell him "sure, why not!" Baby him until he could accept it like a man? You can't just make yourself feel a certain way about someone."

Tatsuya was silent, clasping and unclasping his hands.

In fact, the silence went on for a little while longer this time, stretching into a minute, and then two, both of them now staring at the wall.

Taichi glanced over, hesitant. "You do realize... I'm gonna take Leader now, y'know..."

Tatsuya's head flew back towards him, eyes narrowed as he began to voice a complaint. Taichi sat back in his own chair, hands raised in mock-protection.

"Hey, hey, heeeey... you're the one who gave him up."

The anger left Tatsuya's eyes and the words died in his throat. He remained still for a moment before sinking back down in his chair.

"...yeah..."

Taichi leaned on his elbow. "But you're happy right now, right?"

Tatsuya chewed on his lower lip. Happy? Was he happy?

God yes, he was happy. Happier than he'd felt in some time. Just thinking about everything filled him with enough warmth to bring a little smile to his face. It was just that lingering possession. The instinct to bite back at Taichi whenever he'd made an "innocent" move or pass at Joshima in the past, half the time right in front of his own nose. Not that Joshima himself had ever understood the implications, oblivious as he was.

It might take a little while, but he'd have to accept it. He just had to think about the fact that he had a Nagase now. He had a sometimes crazy, curly-haired wanna-be-punk that mouthed off just as often as he didn't.

"...yeah. I'm happy."

Taichi smiled at him. "That's what I thought."

\---------------

Tatsuya couldn't remember whether it was him or Taichi that first brought it up. It might have even been consecutive due to the proximity of the date, but either way, both of their twenty-fifths of December were now considerably busier. He'd told Nagase to keep the day open, which the younger man agreed to gladly, though with the inevitable question of "why, are we doing something?"

Tatsuya hadn't given in though, keeping it at "it's a secret" even while the other man began whining incessantly and leaning backwards over the couch.

When the day came, Tatsuya went out and got all his errands done early on, not pleased that a few of the stores he'd planned on going to were closed (this was Japan, why were they closed on Christmas?), but making due all the same. He called Nagase as he was on his way back from the post office, phone held between his shoulder and head as he browsed through the magazine he'd bought earlier from the train station quick-stop.

"Tomo, pick up, pick uuuup..."

There was a click. Nagase's familiar voice filled his ear.

"'Sup!"

"Ah, so you are there?"

"Eh? Why? Did you call earlier?"

"No, I just assumed you'd still be passed out in bed or something..."

"It's after noon already!"

"...yeah?"

The line went silent.

"You make a good point."

"Mm-hmm."

Now a sigh.

"Right, right... anyway though, what's up?"

"You remember the time, right?"

"Of course! 5:00!"

"And the place?"

"Odaiba Kaihin Park!"

"Good, good."

"What, you didn't think I'd remember?"

"I was just making sure."

"Uh-huh..."

"You know I like to make sure everything'll go as planned."

"Fine, fine."

Silence then.

"So, you excited?"

"I'd be more excited if I knew what we were doing."

"You'll know soon enough."

"I wanna know now!"

"The waiting'll do you good. It builds character."

"I'd rather be building something else..."

"...was I supposed to take that as something dirty?"

"I don't know. Were you?"

"...I can't for the life of me figure out what it was supposed to imply..."

"That's for me to know and you to wonder."

"Or me to not care about."

"You're so mean to me!"

"I'm appropriately apathetic."

"Nothing about you is appropriate!"

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow, trying to come up with a retort as he twisted the key in his door. None came.

"...you may have a good point there."

"I'm full of good points!"

"You keep telling yourself that."

He waited for Nagase's whine of disapproval, letting out a laugh.

"Anyways, though, I've still got a few more things to finish up around the house, so I'm gonna let you go."

"Fiiiine..."

"5:00 tonight. Odaiba Kaihin Park."

"I know, I know!"

"Just making sure!"

"I've got it!"

"Good. I'll see you then."

"Right, right."

He ended the call with a little click, letting the magazine he'd been holding flop down on the table.

\-------------------

Tatsuya showed up early at the promised place, baseball cap shoved on his head with the brim pulled low. At 4:50, actually. He wasn't sure if it was because he'd simply been impatient waiting around at his house or if the trains had just been faster that day. He could go either way on it at this point.

He was only slightly earlier than Taichi though, who showed up three minutes later, scarf wrapped bunchedly around his neck, thick-rimmed glasses to keep from being recognized on his nose, and hands stuffed in the pockets of his surprisingly-expensive-looking jacket. Tatsuya almost laughed as he walked up in front of him.

"You look nice."

He expected some kind of snarky retort, but instead Taichi's face turned slightly pink. "Shut up."

"Oh, nervous?"

"No."

"Does he know you...?"

"No. I just asked him if he wanted to do something together on Christmas since he wouldn't have anybody this year..."

Tatsuya did laugh. "Just make sure you make your move obvious enough. He has a tendency to misinterpret things."

"As if I didn't know that..."

"What time is it?"

Taichi pulled a hand out of his pocket and rolled back the sleeve of his jacket to find his watch. "4:56."

Tatsuya started glancing around. There were a number of other people milling around, walking past, or simply taking in the assortment of Christmas decorations and lights that lit up most of the park. But still no flop of curly hair.

"You told him the right time, right?"

He nodded. "I even called him today to make sure he remembered."

Taichi returned the nod absentmindedly, looking around himself. Less than thirty seconds later, there was movement just a short ways behind him, and then Joshima appeared from around the corner of the nearest fence, sporting his own scarf and glasses, though this time more for the fact that it was too cold for contacts than for mere disguise. Tatsuya was the one facing him, eyes widening almost instinctively and causing Taichi to turn around and look too.

Joshima himself didn't notice them until he was almost to them, looking up and smiling at Taichi before looking past, his expression immediately falling.

He stopped instantly a few feet away.

"What's he doing here?"

Taichi was at a loss at first, still trying to figure out the best way to present himself. He tore his gaze away from Joshima back to Tatsuya before returning it.

"O-oh, Gussan?"

Joshima's mouth was pulled back in a pained cringe as he nodded.

"Ah, well..."

At that moment, Nagase decided to make his appearance, showing up from the opposite direction and practically ramming into them due to his speed.

"I'm sorry I'm late I ran all the way from the sta-..."

He came to an abrupt stop, almost falling over. His eyes bored into Taichi.

"What's he doing here?"

Tatsuya's hand went almost immediately to the younger man's chest as if to hold him back. Nagase continued to glare at the smaller man just a short ways away.

"Everyone just calm down, ok?" Tatsuya glanced back and forth between the two of them, finally turning his attention to Joshima who still hadn't quite joined their little circle yet. "Shige... Shige, c'mere."

It took another moment of hesitation, but eventually Joshima took the few steps to stand next to Taichi, expression still displeased.

Tatsuya let his hand drop from Nagase's chest. "Look, guys... it's Christmas."

"Yeah?" Nagase sidled up closer to him.

"So can't we all get along for one day?"

Taichi turned to look at Joshima next to him despite his words being directed at everyone. "...we wanted everyone to just... we thought this might..."

Tatsuya rolled his eyes at Taichi's sudden disability at talking like a normal person. "Help. We thought this might help. Somehow. Just forget about everything."

"...yeah."

An awkward silence stretched across the entire group.

Nagase let out a little sigh. "Fine. Whatever."

Joshima didn't say anything, looking down at the ground now and burying his chin in his scarf.

"Are you gonna try to be decent?" Tatsuya turned his head to look at Nagase, his arm finding the other's waist and pulling him just a bit closer.

Nagase stuck his lip out in a pout. "I'll be decent."

Taichi didn't know what to say, so he just stood there, glancing every now and then at Joshima.

Tatsuya turned back to the rest of them. "We thought it'd be fun to just... I don't know... there's a coffee shop just right down the way. Get something there. Go see the Christmas tree. Spend some time together and talk..."

Joshima's head rose out of his scarf. "I'd like that..."

The worried look left Taichi's face to be replaced by a smile. Nagase was rocking back and forth on his heels.

"Everybody's okay with it?" Tatsuya was chewing on the inside of his cheek, eyes still scanning the other three. There was a series of nods. Tatsuya gave a snarky grin, patted Nagase's shoulder and took a step away. "Alright then, shall we head off?"

They made their way to the coffee shop, which was actually just a Starbucks, but none of them minded. Tatsuya kept wanting to throw an arm around Nagase's shoulder or waist while they were walking, but decided it probably wasn't a good idea yet, given the circumstances, so the two simply walked next to each other as they walked through the rest of the park to where the Starbucks was just on the other side of the adjacent street. Joshima lingered a short ways behind, so Taichi let himself slow down enough to walk beside him, trying to act as nonchalant as possible with questions about how his day had gone and about how, wow, the weather hadn't gotten too cold lately, huh? Just right for Christmas.

At Starbucks, Nagase insisted on buying Tatsuya's drink too because the other man had just bought their dinner at the rotating sushi bar the night before last, so he stood in line to get himself a three-shot extra chocolate mocha and Tatsuya a breve steamed to only 60 degrees.

Taichi and Joshima stood behind them, Taichi suddenly appearing very anxious while Joshima simply glanced curiously up at the menu. It took until Nagase was in the middle of his order that Taichi finally got the will to ask Joshima if he could buy his drink for him, whereupon Joshima answered quite cheerily that "oh, that would be nice", and told him he'd love a gingerbread latte. He then stepped out of line to make room for everyone else and walked to the back, where he instantly regretted it as that was exactly where Tatsuya was standing.

"Oh. Hi."

"Shige..."

Joshima adjusted his scarf, then folded his hands on themselves and stood silently, looking down at the floor. Tatsuya coughed to clear his throat, bringing a fist up to cover his mouth, then shoved his hands in his pockets and watched up towards the counter.

Nagase was the first one back, anxious to take his drinks and walk away from where Taichi was standing not far from him. He handed Tatsuya's drink to him with a little nod.

"Hope everything's alright."

"You never know with those Starbucks people."

They laughed, though it faded away as they realized that Joshima was just watching them from behind his scarf.

The awkward silence returned, punctuated once or twice by Tatsuya's affirmation of the quality of the coffee and Nagase exclaiming that his mocha was so chocolately he was going to jizz in his pants.

A few minutes more saw Taichi joining them, helping to ease the tension that had settled as he handed Joshima his drink. The other man responded with a wide grin, taking it in both of his hands with a little "thank you", which didn't help Taichi's already pink face as he hid it in his own drink.

And then the four of them were silent again, standing at the back of the Starbucks and wondering what the fuck they were going to do next.

"So..." Tatsuya was spinning his cup in his hands. "Outside?"

"Mmn. Yes. That's a good plan." Taichi this time, nodding his head a bit too overzealously.

"I wanna see the Christmas tree!!" Nagase leaned forward on his toes, holding his cup up and sending a little splurt of whipped cream out the drink hole in the lid.

To which Tatsuya laughed, tugging on the fabric of the other man's jacket. "Don't get too excited there. You'll have an aneurysm or something."

"Come on, Leader. Wanna go see the lights?" Taichi this time, sidling up just a little bit closer to Joshima and shooting a hopeful smile.

"Mmn, let's go. It's actually gotten a little warm in here, given we're in our coats and scarves and everything..."

Taichi responded by bringing a hand up to the other's back, guiding him towards the door, but hesitating before actually gripping his waist and finally just letting it flop down uselessly to his side. Tatsuya watched them with an amused smirk as Nagase's arm came down around his shoulder and then the two of them followed behind out into the night winter air.

They made their way back over to the park, along the way Nagase insisting that Tatsuya had to try his drink because the chocolate flavor was just so intense, to which Tatsuya did and almost started gagging. Joshima attempted to ignore the entire escapade, focusing instead on the multi-colored lights that'd been strung throughout the trees to their either side and keeping his face buried in his cup of gingerbread goodness.

Taichi ended up leading them to almost the same spot they'd been in when they'd started, feeling a bit idiotic once he realized this. He quickly walked just a bit further, beckoning them further with a little flick of his fingers.

"The big Christmas tree is further in the middle, isn't it?"

Nagase's eyes opened wide. "Christmas tree..."

Tatsuya glanced around. "...I think so... I never know if they change it from year to year. I haven't been here to see the lights for a while." He absentmindedly reached across to push Nagase's cup upright in his hands and keep it from spilling over.

They continued walking along the path like a little quartet of penguins, at one point passing a cheery-looking reindeer made of lights and tinsel, followed not too long after by a tree covered in candy canes.

Once they finally made it to their destination, the larger-than-life tree barely more than a few meters in front of them in a little clearing of people and lights, Nagase was practically pissing his pants in excitement and Joshima's face had grown considerably brighter, almost flushed from the mixture of excitement and warm coffee.

Nagase jogged ahead to stand under it, even his height not enough to keep from appearing dwarfed next to the tree.

"Look at the liiiiigghtsss..." It came out with a spew of coffee.

Tatsuya walked up next to him, feeling doubly-dwarfed.

"I love Christmas treeeeeeessss..."

Taichi stood awkwardly next to Joshima, the hand nearest him free but as of yet, doing nothing but fidgeting beside him.

"I love Christmasssssss..."

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow.

Nagase finished his chorus of love declarations by pointing straight to the top of the tree triumphantly. "And I love Santa!"

This was met with a laugh from Tatsuya. "Santa, huh?"

"Yesssss... Santa."

"Santa still bring you presents?"

"Santa brings me joy and happiness each and every year." Nagase's face went completely solemn as he stared resolutely at the tree. "And that is all I will ever need."

Taichi made a big show of twisting a finger in his ear. "You really have to go around shouting like that? I mean, there are people here that I'm sure would love to enjoy the tree in peace."

Nagase didn't miss a beat. "Shouldn't you be in Santa's workshop right now, little elf?"

"Nah, they sent me to track down the Abominable Snowman. Good thing I found out his weakness is huge Christmas trees."

Taichi grinned, teeth pulled back in a smirk he shot in Nagase's direction. Nagase felt a smile grow on his own face before he knew it, and then he was grinning back, just like they had before this whole debacle of a month had happened.

Joshima gave an over-exaggerated roll of the eyes, taking a long sip from his coffee. "I'll be surprised if either one of you gets anything for Christmas at this rate."

Tatsuya leaned forward to peer around Nagase. "Oh, have you already checked the list twice then?"

To which Joshima froze in mock irritation, sending the other man a rude gesture that involved his bottom eye-lid and tongue before retorting with a "Shut up, Blitzen."

And for once, the silence that followed wasn't awkward.

Nagase's hand found itself slipping inside Tatsuya's. To which Tatsuya felt the warmth in his chest spread nearly out to his fingertips.

Taichi got over his hesitation and brought his arm up to rest timidly at first, and then more securely across the back of Joshima's shoulders. Joshima didn't say anything, still seemingly transfixed on the tree, but his body moved inwards almost instinctively, causing Taichi's heart-rate to quicken in pace.

They ended up spending a little while longer looking at the tree, then finding a set of benches not too far off to sit down and finish their coffee. Coffee finished and pleasantries starting to trail off, it was back to walking, this time towards the entrance of the park as it was taking a little drop in temperature, and Joshima was complaining of being cold despite the multiple layers of sweaters, jacket and scarf he was currently buried beneath.

They talked about maybe all of them heading off somewhere warmer, but apparently Nagase had something a bit different in mind because he kept fidgeting and agreeing with Joshima that "indeed, it really had taken on a bit of a chill, hadn't it? It might be in their best interests to head home, wouldn't it?" to which Tatsuya shot him an expression of confusion and disbelief.

They stopped at the entrance, gathering around in a similar circle to earlier.

"Home, then?" Nagase.

Joshima chewed on his lip. "I am cold, but..."

Tatsuya glanced up at Nagase. "You have to pee or somethin'? You're normally not so anxious to get h-"

"I'll walk you home."

Tatsuya stopped what he was saying, both he and Nagase looking across at Taichi and Joshima, the latter of whom was staring back at the former in blank surprise.

"I-I mean... of course... if you want me to, that is. It's just cold and all. And who wants to have to walk home all alone on Christmas?"

Joshima blinked once. Then twice. His face softened and a tiny smile formed on his lips. "Ok. I'd like that."

Taichi's face brightened immediately. "Alright? Alright! Sure! Perfect."

Tatsuya rolled his eyes.

"Should we go then? You said you were cold."

Joshima simply nodded.

"Alright, well..." Taichi turned back to the other two. "We're gonna head off then. Thanks for, you know... it was fun."

"Anytime." Tatsuya tipped the brim of his cap.

Taichi turned his head to look at Nagase.

Nagase returned the look, his mouth tightening. He closed his eyes, let out a breath, and let his shoulders relax before glancing up once more, this time letting a smirk grace his features. "Knock 'em dead, Tiger."

Taichi blanched again, mouth hung open. His eyebrows furrowed as he formed his lips to say something, but glanced back at Joshima at the same time, losing the words somewhere in his throat.

He resorted to sticking his tongue out. "See you guys at work."

And then the two of them gave a little wave as they walked off. And Tatsuya noticed about halfway down the sidewalk, Taichi's hand snuck over to take Joshima's. And he knew that he'd be in good care.

Nagase started poking him on the head. Incessantly.

"Can we go home now?"

"Seriously, why are you chomping at the bit to go home?" Tatsuya turned towards him with a roll of his eyes.

Nagase didn't respond, now just staring at him with a knowing, hopeful grin plastered on his face. Anyone but Tatsuya might have actually found it frightening. Especially small children.

Tatsuya understood it immediately, expression even more perturbed.

"Oh, I see."

Nagase nodded his head, tongue practically lolling out.

"Fiiiiine, fine."

Nagase gave a little whoop.

"But first..."

"Hm?"

Tatsuya took a step forward, pulling down on the other man's collar until their faces were even as was possible, staring straight into his eyes for a moment. And then he kissed him, and it was cold and wintery and it tasted like coffee and chocolate.

"Merry Christmas."

Then he let him go, Nagase popping back up as Tatsuya simply began walking down the sidewalk towards the other station. Nagase stared after him a moment before the whine returned in his voice and he was jogging after, one hand above his head and the other holding his empty coffee cup as it splayed tiny drops out into the air behind him.


End file.
